Today we have volunteered Angry Jesus to undertake the Rorschach test to see if there is any truth to the proposition that religious leaders and followers are gaga.
Brad Pitt will play him in the movie when they make it.
Hermann Rorschach 'borrowed' the idea of inkblots being used to assess personality from various sources (Leonardo da Vinci, Kerner, Binet amongst others) and developed the inkblot test for diagnosing mental disorders in mental patients.
Angry Jesus, as the most vocal spokesperson for Robert's religion in this blogging community was the ideal person to choose to undergo the test because, well, I suspect that the guy is a bit unbalanced.
THE RELIGIOUS CURMUDGEON (for this exchange to be referred to as RC)
ANGRY JESUS (for this exchange to be referred to as AG)
RC: Welcome AG, thanks for coming in to sit this test.
AG: Test! I'm not afraid of any tests. I've been tested - and passed, when I was in short pants I....
RC: Woah. Hold up there AG. This isn't a challenge it's just a simple little test to prove or disprove a theory I have.
AG: What theory?
RC: Look, all will be revealed in the summary. Here is the Rorschach Test for you to have a look at.
AG: Rorschach Test? Dad invented that.
RC: Yeah right - OK let's get going.
AG: I'm not afraid of a test. Pshh! Tests don't scare me. Hey, remember Easter? I do. Dad said that I had to go down and make nice with those human jokers but to let them nail me to a piece of wood. It was a test you see. Didn't worry me none sunshine, let me tell you.
RC: Mmm, I see that you have some unresolved issues with 'Dad'. How do you feel about your mother?
AG: Mum? Mum's great. Mum was a virgin you know when she had me. Mum was the best, Mum wasn't one of those scrubbers that hung about the Holy Land you know. I like my Mum. What are you implying?
RC: (Mmmm, denial). But, let's get on with the test. I'm going to show you some photographs of some images ....
AG: This isn't one of those dodgy parties is it? Dad warned me about those. He said he caught The Holy Ghost sneaking off to one and boy did he knock a few feathers off that smarmy bastard. He...
RC: (Mmm, sibling conflict). But, look at these, Here's the first one.
RC shows AG the first of the Rorschach images.
AG: You dirty bastard. I told you, Mum was a good girl. A virgin, even at 14. I ought to....
RC: Don't get excited AG. No-one is casting aspersions on your Mum's character. It's your character that's under test here. This is just the first image - a 'sighter' if you will to get you familiar with the process. Most people see this as a bat or a butterfly ....
AG: Right. I see it now. It reminds me of that smarmy git The Holy Ghost.
RC: (Mmmm, sibling issues). Right, here's number two.
AG: (sniggers) Number two. Ha ha.
RC: (Mmm, scatology issues.)
AG: Looks like those Pharisees who executed me having a dance afterwards. Bastards!
RC: (Mmm, unresolved anger issues). Do you see anything else AG?
AG: No, no, no .....wait ....you dirty bastard!
RC: OK AG, calm down. Here's number three.
AG: Reminds me of that wedding I went to. The prats ran out of wine. Little did they know that I'd drunk the whole bloody lot really quickly. I was so full up with my holy bladder near to burst that when they weren't looking I pissed it all out back into the big vat they were using. I'd drunk the bloody stuff so fast that it still came out as wine albeit with a bit of funky character to it. I told the hosts that I'd just turned some water into wine for them. The idiots believed that. Ha, ha.
RC: (Mmmm, dishonesty issues. Drunkenness issues. Scatology issues. Meanness. Where does this stop?) Good AG, you're getting the hang of this. Here's number four.
AG: Shit! Dad. I'm sorry I made that joke about the wine. Ha. ha, I was only kidding, I didn't really do that hee hee.
RC: (Mmmm, father and authority issues.) Here's number five.
AG: Hey, that looks like Uncle Michael. He's nice. I wish he was my dad. Hey, I wonder......
RC: Good AG, good - now here's number six.
AG: I wonder what Mary Magdalene's doing now? Do you think I should give her a call. I sort of left her alone back there in the Holy Land. Do you think she'll be pissed off? .... Oh, sorry RC, I was getting a bit off-track there.
RC: (Perfect. Sexual awareness and yearning). No, no problem AG you're doing well. Here's number seven.
AG:: You know that Mum didn't really like me seeing Mags.
AG: Yeah Mags - Mary Magdalene. Mum said that she was a bit loose and would lead me astray. Mummy wanted me close to her. I like being close to mummy.
RC: (Mmmm, Oedipal issues). That's fine AG, you're doing fine. here's number eight.
AG: I don't like this one. It's a bit poofy. That reminds me, I told that music teacher joker to paint his house dark blue and he hasn't listened to me. I should paint it poofy pink overnight just to fuck him up.
RC: (Mmmm, sexual insecurity issues and vengeance.) No matter, we'll move on to the next one. Here's number nine:
AG: Yeah, The Holy Ghost thinks he can just lord it up in heaven, sucking up to dad. Bastard! All while I have to hang about down here with all of these needy prats saying "Jesus, Jesus, help me and I'll pray to you". Well who needs their 'prayers' What's that all about? Dad only invented those when he thought the bastards were getting a bit off track and might rumble us on the scam.
RC: OK, moving on, here's the last one , number ten. What do you think?
AG: Yeah, pretty, kind of like that Eiffel Tower I made a while ago. Look, I've got to get along, I can't waste time with this nonsense you know. I thought that you wanted my opinion on those nutters who flagellate themselves and stick knitting needles into their bodies trying to pretend that they're me. Twats. So what's the story?
RC: No, we're done. That was useful thanks AG. You'd better run along now. Don't get pink paint on your dress. Ha, ha.
AG: Ok, bye.
(Angry Jesus peels away in his modified Nissan Skyline)
RC: Fuck! Definitely certifiable. No wonder all of the acolytes are raving nutters.