"BE TRANSFORMED BY THE RENEWING OF YOUR MINDS" - BOB THE CLEANER *

 Robert of Moera, a catholic cleaner in the Hutt Valley, swore to wipe out sinners and those who eschewed the teachings of his church and his beloved priests. He particularly hated homosexuals, adulterers, unmarried couples and those who supported abortion.

Robert was "breathing out murderous threats against gays, atheists, protestants and the city's mayor when he was directed, by a cleaner with a bad knee, to empty the bins near the desks where PhD students work at computer screens. As usual Robert was listening to a podcast through his earphones and was a bit distracted. The topic of the podcast was 'Woke'. It was about Donald Trump's attack on the USA women's soccer team - "bunch of dykes"- he called them. Robert agreed  and his head was filled with a cosy image of his hero embracing the American flag.

Trump has been embroiled in a feud with the US team’s star player Megan Rapinoe after she claimed before the side’s World Cup win in 2019 that “I’m not going to the fucking White House’’ for a presidential audience while Trump was in power.

As Robert bent down to grab a rubbish bin he heard a voice in his head. It said "Do you really want to hurt me?" 

"Whaaa? said Robert. He was still listening to the podcast and had the image of Megan Rapinoe in his mind.

"Do you really want to make me cry?" asked Rapinoe.

Robert dropped the bin, sending debris over the carpet with some dust going into his eyes, temporally blinding him. He shook head and something like scales fell from his eyes. He looked up and was confronted by a beautiful rainbow flag. 

"It's a miracle" he thought and, like his hero he embraced the flag saying "Sorry, sorry.." over and over.

He left the bins and raced out of the office waving his beautiful rainbow flag.

"I think I'll be known as Bob now" thought Robert. I've seen the error of my ways.

"I can't wait to tell Richard, but first I'd better stock up the condom machine at the church store and rub off that graffiti I painted on the Family Planning Centre."

************************

Meanwhile, in a desk in the office a cellphone that a student left behind continued to play a Culture Club song on the Spotify app.

"....... In my heart the fire is burning

Choose my colour find a star

Precious people always tell me

That's a step a step too far....."

* With apologies to St Paul The Apostle.