THE CHURCH OF THE BLESSED CURMUDGEON

 

Richard is on something ....... sorry, I don't mean that he's on drugs or anything as he doesn't touch them except for a scary sampling of a hallucinogenic back in the 1970s - his medication of choice is chardonnay with as few labels on the bottle as possible. No, I mean to say that Richard is on to something when he suggested in his latest post that I may be blessed:

Here:

Blessed be The Curmudgeon!
"For He shall go forth (with maybe a little bad grammar) and fix things that thou would say was impossible, for He IS The Curmudgeon."

And here:

Let His light shine like a very powerful torch so
that there will be less
shit in the world and
from now on He will be
remembered every
Easter.

It took him a while to recognise my sacrosanctity but his bestowal of blessedness on me is much appreciated. It is so appreciated in fact that I should appreciate it (in financial jargon) by increasing my wealth and standing because of it. I mean, it's only fair and Brian Tamaki gets away with it.

Yes, you've got it - I'm going to start up my own church THE CHURCH OF THE BLESSED CURMUDGEON.

THE CHURCH OF THE BLESSED CURMUDGEON

No, nothing to do with Brian Blessed

It's a good idea of Richard's and fortunately I'm well qualified for the undertaking. At college I was inducted into the 'P' classes starting with 3P in the third form of St Patrick's College. This was the 'God Squad' or training ground for the priesthood so we were fast tracked in the studies of the Catechism and other Catholic doctrines.  Theology was our science and art, not the plebeian version of Christianity that was drummed into the 'G' and even lower classes. This grounding will be important in hoodwinking scamming soliciting support from official agencies, IRD and the general public.

 What will also be of assistance is the fact that, back in that 3P class I discovered that religion, and in particular, Catholicism is a fraud and started off on the path of atheism. "Why would that help" I hear you ask. Well, a good solid grounding in atheism means that a church leader, actually a church creator doesn't get caught up in ethical and moral considerations when deciding to rort the system - not unlike many in the Roman Catholic Church, Destiny Church, Gloriavale and the current pack of bastards at Arise.  One of the little things that I subsequently did, other than refusing to take part in silly sacraments like Confession and Eucharist was, in 4P to start up a business of selling Eucharist hosts (kind of like stale crackers). This excommunicable act puts me ahead of most of the opposition and way up there with Brian Tamaki, John Cameron and the American evangelists.

Way to go!

Personal jets, fancy houses and cars and doting acolytes to come.

I'll keep you posted once I've worked out the details:

• Tax status
• Logos
• Vestments
• Screening processes
• Locations
• The 'bible' or 'catechism' alternative
• etc.