THE LITTLE SHOP ON THE PRAYERIE

In his second to last post Robert mentioned the church shop again that he occasionally mans (seeing as very few other people want to).

"He was on Church shop at 9am.

"I can do you a deal on some overpriced rosary beads, some crappy medals made in China or some right-wing, mysogynistic, fact-devoid Christian pamphlets. Two for the price of one."

He wondered if the chap from Wainui would come asking for hot cross buns. Rob always referred him across the road to Woolworths. The chap would rave about obscure chords before suddenly looking at his watch. "Have to go ,have to go ...oh my!" and hurry off. Because he was busy with the shop and collections Rob liked to go to the Mass the previous evening too. He could sit at the front and concentrate free of distractions. He was anxious to receive Holy Communion with a clean 'slate'. It always felt better that way. A sinful soul was like a dark dungeon for Jesus. Jesus had suffered enough on the cross for his sins, he didn't want to add to His pain. As he had entered the church a husband and wife team was handing out brochures. He politely declined the weekly newsletter from the gentleman, having received his by email. The lady asked him if he wanted the Catholic monthly newspaper. He declined again, not wishing to have to take it into the church. She seemed put out. He thought of a comical situation in the film Airplane where Robert Stack deals with people trying to give him pamphlets. The Gospel is about divorce. Jesus says Moses had allowed it but He was now putting his foot down. It had to stop! The sermon carries on that theme. Robert finds the native African priest dryly humorous. He has a Ph D evidently and his wit seems to go over the heads of most of the congregation."

In a comment on one of Richard's posts he said:

Is this a sign that cracks are showing in his belief in Catholicism? After all, he has, in his latest post admitted that the 'Ten Commandments' is a crock of shit:

"Let's take a closer look at commandments in Exodus. I do not want to say THE TEN COMMANDMENTS! Because these are not advice for living well or Tennant's for everyone to get along okee-dory with everyone else. Really there are not necessarily only ten. They may not even be mutually exclusive as TC pointed out in his blog. They build on each other. "Don't steal" then later " look to be perfectly honest don't even think of stealing"!"

        - Robert Monday 7 October 

 ... or that's what I gleaned in that convoluted and grammatically incorrect paragraph. I blame the Scottish beer.

Maybe Robert needs to jazz up the church shop offerings. Hey! What a great idea that I actually suggested in a comment on Richard's post:

Admittedly Robert's church shop has a pretty crappy offering that he has admitted to. I looked on-line to see if that was the norm and, sadly it seems to be the case around the country. Even the Cathedral Shop has defaulted to Trade Me which is really 'letting the moneylenders into the Temple' Jesus would no doubt disapprove.

Other shops, as Robert informed us, carry expensive (and overpriced) tatty junk:

Look at the price of that!

I bet that they bought it from TEMU for about $3 and applied a generous and 'sacred' mark-up.

I suggest going to the source for tatty religious junk. Here a a few of the many offerings on the TEMU website:

Wow! classy.

100 of these for $13.94!

Admittedly I'd have liked to have one of these when back at school

Who wouldn't want one of these over the door?

Robert - that's who. He'd no doubt want a pair of them.

Robert was right to criticise his church's shop's offerings. As the virtual sole proprietor though he should become a bit more involved in purchasing, price-setting, display, merchandising, marketing and advertising.

Earlier I briefly suggested some new stock items and services like a condom machine, a magazine rack with some trendy lifestyle publications, a vape section that can be expanded when this current government allows vaping tobacco, a wine section with bottles with labels preferably featuring Jesus, a novelty section where funny’s things like false beards, fart cushions, itching powder, stink bombs and plastic dog turds can be sold to amuse the kids and altar boys who would otherwise be bored, and a communion host section.  These can be expanded with a music section featuring some old favourites likeThe Faith Tones:

 

... and The Ministers Quartet:

Some cross-marketing could be had in providing foodstuff items, home furnishings and clothing as these are always in demand:

Obviously these are just preliminary ideas and suggestions. A more detailed marketing plan and sales strategy can be written - I'll do it for a reasonable fee.

Please share your observations and ideas.