JESUS OUSTED FROM PARIAMENT

BREAKING NEWS

It has been proposed to change the parliamentary prayer and Trevor Mallard, Speaker of The House is jumping the gun by already adopting it.

THE CURRENT PRAYER:

Almighty God,

Humbly acknowledging our need for Thy guidance in all things, and laying aside all private and personal interests, we beseech Thee to grant that we may conduct the affairs of this House and of our country to the glory of Thy holy name, the maintenance of true religion and justice, the honour of the Queen, and the public welfare, peace, and tranquillity of New Zealand, through Jesus Christ our Lord.

Amen.

PROPOSED VERSION:

Almighty God, we give thanks for the blessings which have been bestowed on New Zealand.

Laying aside all personal interests, we pray for guidance in our deliberations, that we may conduct the affairs of this House with wisdom and humility, for the public welfare and peace of New Zealand.

Amen.

All good as far as I'm concerned (except for the reference to God) but some religious and monarchist nutters are up in arms about this.

I thought that it'd be a good idea to get Angry Jesus's view on the matter so I invited him/her/it in for a chat.

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Meeting between Angry Jesus (AJ) and The Religious Curmudgeon (RC) at the local club.

RC: Hi AJ, glad you could come. Do you want a glass of wine or will you make your own?

AJ:    Ha ha, don't be a smart-arse. I'll have a decent chardonnay - from a bottle with a label on it. It's   nice to get a decent drink not like that piss that Richard serves up.

RC: No problem. The club serves a decent Gisborne chardonnay. It's in a big glass that they fill to       the brim and only costs five bucks.

AJ: Richard invited me to his club once. We got chucked out. Richard said it was because of the         dress I was wearing at the time. I tried to explain that it was normal garb for a Galilean but they wouldn't have a bar of it. Bastards. Anyway, I got Dad to destroy the rail network. They won't be crowing about being on the main trunk line anymore .... so. TRC why the meeting?

RC: Well, I thought that we'd have a chat .......

AJ:  Whoa there guy. I hope this isn't like the chat I last had with you. You made a fool of me. See: HERE

RC: Ha ha, ...er ..it was a bit of fun wasn't it. Robert got his knickers in a twist again though.

AJ: Yeah, that made it worth it. So...?

RC: Oh yeah, a chat ... did you know that Parliament is chucking out references to you and the Queen in the proposed new prayer? They're going ......

AJ: WHAT! WHAT THE FUCK!? WHAT! The bastards they can't ...

RC: Calm down AJ, calm down. They'll still have reference to God .

AJ: Yeah, that'd be about right . 'Good old' Dad made sure to keep his name in there. I suppose that greasy seagull The Holy Ghost has snuck in too?

TC: No, no I don't think so .... look here's a draft of the new prayer (hands Angry Jesus a copy). Trevor Mallard as Speaker has adopted it but it's not final yet he ....

AJ: MALLARD! THAT DUCK!. I'll roast the bastard ...ha, ha. with oranges ... I'll sort him out. I'll arrange for him to lose that Speaker position and go back to that shithole electorate he was running. What was the name of it? ...

RC: I can't remember. 'Lesser' something or other.

AJ: This has really upset me. I'm off. I think I'll get my old mate Richard to look into this. His wine is crap but that instant coffee he makes is OK

RC: OK. Thanks for coming. Sorry to have upset you with that news (hee hee).

AJ: Hrrrumph!

RC: Hey barmaid, how about another chardonnay over here. Hey! Have you put on weight?