GAME CANCELLED

We have received separate notifications from the public relations officers for the interested parties in this event. All have confirmed that the well anticipated cricket match has been called off.

***********

GOD'S ELEVEN

"The threat of rain today means that regrettably the cricket match between God's Eleven and Satan's Eleven has been cancelled. We apologise for any inconvenience but wish to draw your attention to the fact that it is Sunday and that you'd be better off at Mass loving people."

                                                                    - Cardinal Sinn 

                                                                      ***********

                                                                 SATAN'S ELEVEN

"The forecast for blue skies and sunshine today is unfortunate. Regretfully the cricket match has been cancelled. See you down at the pub"
                                                        - Hope Hicks

************

"Due to an unprecedented interest in my latest post the cricket match scheduled for today has been abandoned."
- The Curmudgeonly Luddite

****************

"If they all just had love the Cricketeers and Rugby advocates would want the other to win victorious. If we all just had love there would be no quarrels and hatred and would grasp grace meritorious.

Love, love, love."

                                                        - Robert The Sinner       

****************

"Elitist pricks!"

- Richard (of RBB)

GAME ON

Robert of the Robert The Sinner blog wrote this in his latest and soon to be deleted post.

Why can not cricket carry on in the rain?

I do not think today was special because 11 New Zealanders played a silly game with 11 Indians. Then had to run under shelter when it rained.
I do not think the All Blacks should be praised for being aggressive to the other who we laugh at as minimums.
If they all just had love the Cricketeers and Rugby advocates would want the other to win victorious.
If we all just had love there would be no quarrels and hatred and would grasp grace meritorious.
Love, love, love.
Not a silly concept, that refers to relations on earth; more a brilliant precept, for life to then from birth.
If I do nothing else while on this place called earth, I'll die a happy man if you play this merry dearth.
"Love, love, love".
For though love is dearth here on this earth; a better form for I forlorn.
The love of God has no equal and starts long before I was born.

OK, if you can understand that you're a better man than I am.

He's written before about the uselessness of sport and that people would be better off sitting about praying and saying the rosary. I doubt that he'd see the rosary as competitive though.

This got me thinking about what a God's Eleven would be like versus a Satan's Eleven in a cricket match.

GOD'S ELEVEN

God (captain)
Jesus
The Holy Ghost
Mary
Joseph
Saint Peter
St Paul
St Luke
St Matthew
St Mark
St John
Robert (twelfth man)

Reserves: St James, St Andrew, St Philip, St Bartholomew and St Thomas.

Judas Iscariot will be playing for the other team.


SATAN'S ELEVEN

Satan (captain)
Judas Iscariot
Richard (of RBB) (Robert said he was going to Hell anyway)
Abaddon
Adramalech
Bast
Donald Trump
Beelzebub
Euronymous
Moloch
Pluto
Robert (twelfth man)*

Reserves: The Curmudgeon, The Blue Man, The Wine Guy, Richard Dawkins and Pope Francis.



I've brought the captains together for a pre-match interview. The match itself will be played tomorrow - Sunday which is both the first and the last day of the week depending on your religious persuasion.

The Religious Curmudgeon: Welcome mythical beings. It's good to see you taking part in what will be a pivotal point in the history of religion and ......

God: Yeah, get on with why don't you. Me and my team have a lot of loving to do ....

Satan: Ha ha - "Whole Lotta Love" - I 'love' that song. Ha ha.

The Religious Curmudgeon: Yes - Led Zepp - great. From the second album I think. It got me going when I was a young ....

God: Hey! Cut it out and don't think I didn't see you when you were fifteen wanking up a storm. That's not the loving I mean. Ask Robert. He's got the right idea.

Satan: I see God that you've co-opted Robert onto your side. What's that about?

The Religious Curmudgeon: Yes, good question Satan. Why is he playing for both sides?

God: He's got the only cricket ball. If we didn't include him he's prone to go home with it in a sulk. He's done that before back at the Botanical Gardens in Wellington in the 1960s I th ....

Satan: Yeah, yeah. Whatever. We just put him in at twelfth to fuck with you, ha ha.

The Religious Curmudgeon: (Mmmm. Points to Satan's Eleven I think). OK. What's the game plan guys? You go first Goddy.

God: Don't call me Goddy of you know what's good for you. You see what happened to Spike Milligan for doing that.

Satan: He died. So what he was 83.

God: Exactly.

Satan: Well that told me.







           Not.**

The Religious Curmudgeon: Come on guys. God, what's the game plan?

God: Love.

The Religious Curmudgeon: Love? It's not tennis you know.

God: Listen up sunshine. Love is what makes the world go round. Don't you read Robert's posts? I go to all the trouble of setting up that Philippine character as a priest at Robert's church to indoctrinate educate him via sermons about loving everyone and you don't bloody read his posts?

Satan: Who the hell can understand them?

The Religious Curmudgeon: Yeah, I agree. Just look at that extract from his latest post above. What's that all about?

God: OK, I admit that he's not W. Somerset Maugham or Bill Shakespeare but he reproduces the priest's nonsensical ramblings quite well. Give him some credit.

Satan: You want to know what our game play is?

The Religious Curmudgeon: Yes, go on. What is it?

Satan: Beat the bastards. Smash 'em. Kick 'em in the goolies. Win at all costs. Bugger this 'love' business. Life's a war don't you know. We've assembled some of the best ....

Richard (of RBB): I took the most tightheads in a single game at St Patrick's College one year back in the dark ages. I agree, let's smash ...

Satan: Woah boy. Down. We're playing cricket here not bloody rugby. Cricket. Don't you know about cricket?

Richard (of RBB): Cricket? No, I was in the 'G' classes at school. Cricket was reserved for the 'P' classes along with Latin, French, proper religious instruction and being a Sacristan.

Satan: Oh well, just stay in the background and cover the field. I can see that you'd be good at that ha ha.

Richard (of RBB): (Bastard. If I wasn't going to hell I'd join God's team).

The Religious Curmudgeon: Well, we've tapered off here a bit. Good luck for tomorrow.








* Robert thought it better to have a bob each way just in case

** Satan borrowed this joke cliche from Richard who is in his team.

JUST WHEN I THOUGHT I WAS OUT .......

..... THEY PULL ME BACK IN

Or so Robert would have me believe.

Robert who goes by the blog title Robert The Sinner, in his blog posts tells us that his god is forgiving, loves everyone including sinners and would gladly welcome lapsed catholics and atheists into the fold - as long as they repented their sins. Well, there's always a catch isn't there. 

I guess that Robert can say or believe in anything he likes since the whole god thing is nonsense about a mythical being. Embellish hell out of it the way the Norsefolk, Hindus, Greeks, Romans and Egyptians did when making up stories about their gods.

When I say "they pulled me back in" above I was exaggerating a bit. When in Wellington recently I went voluntarily into St Mary of the Angels in Boulcott street.

St Mary of the Angels was once my local church when I was a baby. I was baptised there as my parents, when they were building our house in Vogeltown lived in an old wooden flat (long since gone) on the corner of Courtenay Place and Taranaki Street.

This was in the early 1950s and St Mary of the Angels was a fairly old church even then as you can see from the dedication plaque. It was built in MCMXIX.*

I remember attending weddings of at least four aunts at this church and my brother's wedding was held  there as well as later, his funeral.

My parents, from 1969 to 1983 lived in Taranaki street again (different building) and I'm sure that mum would have made St Mary of the Angels her local once again.

The reason I went into this church again recently was because I was exploring Wellington as The Old Girl will be working and living there for a year. We have rented an apartment in Egmont street which, coincidentally is only a couple of buildings away from that original flat that the parents rented in 1950 to 1953 and very close to the one they lived in later. There you go.

As I was walking along Manners street I looked up to see the church and just had to go in. I like church architecture (the old ones not those soulless and utilitarian new ones) and see churches as places of sanctuary and peace.  SEE HERE  

I went in intending to have a little wander about but there was a mass going on. Some old joker was droning away in a pulpit reading some endless tract. I think it was a gospel. In old, high ceilinged churches voices have an interesting cadence ranging from the low and quiet to souring and louder high notes. The effect is always soporific and I noticed that a few of the congregation were nodding off and this was just after midday. I sat down on a pew at the back - on my own unlike that joker at Robert's church who just had to crowd in next to Robert even though there were plenty of seats elsewhere. What's that about? I sat for a few minutes before thinking "what the hell am I doing. I don't believe in this stuff" and got up to go.

At this point, if Robert was correct that there is a god who wanted me back in the fold he/she/it should have shown himself/herself/itself. A little revelation wouldn't have gone amiss not to mention a bit of a wrestle between god and the devil over mastery of my soul.

Satan: "Look. He's right there. If you don't want him I'll take him"

Nothing happened so I left.

At least good old St Patrick's College had the good grace to fall down after I left the church and renounced its teachings.

* For those who weren't in the 'P' classes at St. Patrick's College, MCMXIX is latin for 1919.