GAME ON

Robert of the Robert The Sinner blog wrote this in his latest and soon to be deleted post.

Why can not cricket carry on in the rain?

I do not think today was special because 11 New Zealanders played a silly game with 11 Indians. Then had to run under shelter when it rained.
I do not think the All Blacks should be praised for being aggressive to the other who we laugh at as minimums.
If they all just had love the Cricketeers and Rugby advocates would want the other to win victorious.
If we all just had love there would be no quarrels and hatred and would grasp grace meritorious.
Love, love, love.
Not a silly concept, that refers to relations on earth; more a brilliant precept, for life to then from birth.
If I do nothing else while on this place called earth, I'll die a happy man if you play this merry dearth.
"Love, love, love".
For though love is dearth here on this earth; a better form for I forlorn.
The love of God has no equal and starts long before I was born.

OK, if you can understand that you're a better man than I am.

He's written before about the uselessness of sport and that people would be better off sitting about praying and saying the rosary. I doubt that he'd see the rosary as competitive though.

This got me thinking about what a God's Eleven would be like versus a Satan's Eleven in a cricket match.

GOD'S ELEVEN

God (captain)
Jesus
The Holy Ghost
Mary
Joseph
Saint Peter
St Paul
St Luke
St Matthew
St Mark
St John
Robert (twelfth man)

Reserves: St James, St Andrew, St Philip, St Bartholomew and St Thomas.

Judas Iscariot will be playing for the other team.


SATAN'S ELEVEN

Satan (captain)
Judas Iscariot
Richard (of RBB) (Robert said he was going to Hell anyway)
Abaddon
Adramalech
Bast
Donald Trump
Beelzebub
Euronymous
Moloch
Pluto
Robert (twelfth man)*

Reserves: The Curmudgeon, The Blue Man, The Wine Guy, Richard Dawkins and Pope Francis.



I've brought the captains together for a pre-match interview. The match itself will be played tomorrow - Sunday which is both the first and the last day of the week depending on your religious persuasion.

The Religious Curmudgeon: Welcome mythical beings. It's good to see you taking part in what will be a pivotal point in the history of religion and ......

God: Yeah, get on with why don't you. Me and my team have a lot of loving to do ....

Satan: Ha ha - "Whole Lotta Love" - I 'love' that song. Ha ha.

The Religious Curmudgeon: Yes - Led Zepp - great. From the second album I think. It got me going when I was a young ....

God: Hey! Cut it out and don't think I didn't see you when you were fifteen wanking up a storm. That's not the loving I mean. Ask Robert. He's got the right idea.

Satan: I see God that you've co-opted Robert onto your side. What's that about?

The Religious Curmudgeon: Yes, good question Satan. Why is he playing for both sides?

God: He's got the only cricket ball. If we didn't include him he's prone to go home with it in a sulk. He's done that before back at the Botanical Gardens in Wellington in the 1960s I th ....

Satan: Yeah, yeah. Whatever. We just put him in at twelfth to fuck with you, ha ha.

The Religious Curmudgeon: (Mmmm. Points to Satan's Eleven I think). OK. What's the game plan guys? You go first Goddy.

God: Don't call me Goddy of you know what's good for you. You see what happened to Spike Milligan for doing that.

Satan: He died. So what he was 83.

God: Exactly.

Satan: Well that told me.







           Not.**

The Religious Curmudgeon: Come on guys. God, what's the game plan?

God: Love.

The Religious Curmudgeon: Love? It's not tennis you know.

God: Listen up sunshine. Love is what makes the world go round. Don't you read Robert's posts? I go to all the trouble of setting up that Philippine character as a priest at Robert's church to indoctrinate educate him via sermons about loving everyone and you don't bloody read his posts?

Satan: Who the hell can understand them?

The Religious Curmudgeon: Yeah, I agree. Just look at that extract from his latest post above. What's that all about?

God: OK, I admit that he's not W. Somerset Maugham or Bill Shakespeare but he reproduces the priest's nonsensical ramblings quite well. Give him some credit.

Satan: You want to know what our game play is?

The Religious Curmudgeon: Yes, go on. What is it?

Satan: Beat the bastards. Smash 'em. Kick 'em in the goolies. Win at all costs. Bugger this 'love' business. Life's a war don't you know. We've assembled some of the best ....

Richard (of RBB): I took the most tightheads in a single game at St Patrick's College one year back in the dark ages. I agree, let's smash ...

Satan: Woah boy. Down. We're playing cricket here not bloody rugby. Cricket. Don't you know about cricket?

Richard (of RBB): Cricket? No, I was in the 'G' classes at school. Cricket was reserved for the 'P' classes along with Latin, French, proper religious instruction and being a Sacristan.

Satan: Oh well, just stay in the background and cover the field. I can see that you'd be good at that ha ha.

Richard (of RBB): (Bastard. If I wasn't going to hell I'd join God's team).

The Religious Curmudgeon: Well, we've tapered off here a bit. Good luck for tomorrow.








* Robert thought it better to have a bob each way just in case

** Satan borrowed this joke cliche from Richard who is in his team.