THE MORE OBSCURE CATHOLIC SAINTS - PART FOUR

 I was fortunate to discover this obscure saint who has some relevance to Robert the apathetic sanctimonious sinner and toilet cleaner who may well become a saint one day himself. He certainly has the title for it and will keep future Catholics amused and enthralled by his exploits for centuries. They will marvel at his perceptive observations and try to emulate his gastronomical creations. I wonder if reconstituted potatoes will exist in the future. I wonder if potatoes will exist in the future. I wonder if people will exist in the future ..... but I digress.

Saint Homobonus of Cremona ...... I didn't make this one up... honest ... see:

Saint Homobonus (I just like repeating that name- it's hilarious) is the patron saint of shopkeepers and I thought it quite appropriate to mention him because Robert looks after the church shop and needs a patron saint to help him and Richard wrote about this but was unable to discover a patron saint of shopkeeping, finding instead a dominatrix named Sister Strapper. Shelley really should check out his browser history. Robert, in his enlightened state should see this as a bonus.

"I love you Saint Homobonus"

As Wikipedia tells us Saint Homobonus (Sant 'Omobono in Italian) was canonised in 1197, the year that he died. This was the result of an urgent request by the citizens of Cremona who desperately needed a patron saint of shopkeeping since the previous one, Saint Fingusindatill was de-canonised following revelations of impropriety, fraud and embezzlement committed during her earlier earthly employment.

Omobono Tucenghi was a Cremona merchant who believed that God had allowed him to work in order that he would be able to support people living in a state of poverty. He was a bit like Geoff Bezos owner of Amazon in that regard who believes in a god-given right to employ people on minimum wage and keep them in a state of poverty thereby maintaining a constant stream of available and affordable labour. See: HERE

Homobonus (Omobono), like Robert and unlike Richard was a frequent church attendee and would partake in the Eucharist every day.  Some critics have suggested however that he was too mean to buy his own breakfast and would have the 'body and blood of Jesus' for free. It was reported that while attending mass, prostrated in the form of a cross, on November 13, 1197, Homobonus died. No-one thought to investigate the death and the bizarre way that his body was displayed (there were no Netflix crime dramas shown then) so it was considered some kind of miracle or at least it was according to the church cleaner Ima Nutta who discovered the body.

 Homobonus was soon canonised (nothing to do with falling cannons from battlements) by Pope Innocent (yeah right) III. In the bull(shit) of Homobonus's canonization Pope Innocent III called him "father of the poor", "consoler of the afflicted", "assiduous in constant prayer", "man of peace and peacemaker", "a man good in name and deed", "this saint, is still like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in our time". "contributor to my personal endowment fund", "fellow fiddler of little boys", "funniest guy at our dress-up parties", silly as a chook when pissed" and "old fancy knickers".

Homobonus's head is preserved in the side chapel in the Church of the Blasted Virgin (a typo made by the stonemason and never corrected) in Cremona. The verger of the church at the time who did the preservation fancied himself to be a bit of a wit and would say to anyone who listened "I always wanted to get ahead".