RELIGION, HUH, WHAT IS IT GOOD FOR?

 This post is a 'biggie'. It is long I'm afraid due to the important and complex issues covered. It is also an 'act of faith' because I know that 50% of the readers won't read it and the other 50% of readers cannot read it because it is long. I do it because I believe that a summary of the major religions is necessary on a blog that has religion as its theme.

As you can see, I've taken screenshots from the internet to highlight the essential differences between the main religions. I'm sure that you will appreciate the effort that has gone into doing this for you. I was going to expand these into arguments for each religion as to why it is more important or superior to other religions or, religiocentrism (see the definition above) but decided to invite in a representative of each of the main religions to put their argument to you directly.

We have with us:

Bin Hire* - Islam Overview.      * Courtesy of Richard's Bass Bag.

Boobisha Chodhanky - Hinduism Overview.

A-wat Suppdok -  Buddhism Overview

Mannis Funifeller - Judaism Overview

Robert* - Christianity Overview.     * Courtesy of Robert the apathetic sanctimonious sinner, toilet cleaner, and threatener of eternal damnation.

THE RELIGIOUS CURMUDGEON (Moderator): Welcome everyone to this little but extremely important forum where each of you will be able to provide a snapshot of your favourite religion ... ha ha ... a little joke there (ahem) ...

BIN HIRE: Hello and thank you for inviting me and a big shout out to my benefactor Richard of Richard's Bass Bag - (the original bass bagging site) who gave me permission to ...

BOOBISHA CHODHANKEY: (under his breath) Brahman, what a toady, I hope he gets reincarnated as a frog ... Hello all and thank you and my gods for allowing this.

A-WAT SUPPDOK: Greetings and peace and love be with you without nasty alcohol. I feel somehow that I've been here before ...

MANNIS FUNIKFELLER: Thanks to the one true god I am here with you all and look forward to telling you of what is true.

ROBERT: Hello all I'm pleased to be here but can I ask that we move things on a bit as I have to pray at 3 O'clock and dunk myself in the pool ...

THE RELIGIOUS CURMUDGEON: Thanks everyone and Robert - be nice please and can you stop making that clicking noise with those rosary beads? Right. Let's start in the order that you've acknowledged yourself. A very brief summary of your religion please. Bin Hire?

BIN HIRE: The Islamic faith is monotheistic, believing in Allah as the one true God. The Islamic faith teaches that the prophet Muhammad is Allah’s final messenger, who continued to receive messages from Allah to share with the people. The Quaran is the holy book of Islam.

THE RELIGIOUS CURMUDGEON: Thanks Bin, that was very 'text book'. Robert will be jealous. Boobisha you're up.

BOOBISHA CHODHANKEY: As with all religions, there are multiple sects of Hinduism, each with some variations in their practices. Core beliefs of Hinduism  teaches that God’s presence exists in all of creation. In the Hindu faith, god goes by many names and manifests in infinite ways. Brahman is the recognised supreme deity responsible for creating everything in the universe. Brahaman has no gender and is all-knowing and all-present. Shiva and Vishnu are the other primary Hindu deities (gods).There are many other deities (called devis), demi-gods (called devas) and goddesses, with significant variations among specific sects. The divine essence (called atman) dwells within each person.Hindus believe in reincarnation, with a constant cycle of being born, living and dying on the path to enlightenment.

THE RELIGIOUS CURMUDGEON: (Jeez I thought I said keep it short) ...Thanks Boobisha. That'll set the cat among the pigeons. A-Wat, it's your turn.

A-WAT SUPPDOK: Buddhism was founded in the fifth century B.C. by Siddhartha Gautama, who later became known as the Buddha. After giving up an extravagant life of excess, the man who came to be known as the Buddha discovered enlightenment through giving up his wealth and position to live a simple life as a monk. His efforts to teach others how to do the same became the foundation of Buddhism. The Buddha is not worshiped as a god. He was a man and is recognised by Buddhists as such. Consistent with philosophy’s principles and truths, Buddhists follow a path of moral living, thinking and behaviour, as well as seeking wisdom.

THE RELIGIOUS CURMUDGEON: Thanks A-Wat. I guess you won't be staying for the after match piss-up then? Hey Manis - your turn.

MANNIS FUNIKFELLER: The Ten Commandments play an important role in the teachings of Judaism. Even beyond God’s law outlined in the Ten Commandments, righteousness and justice are central to the teachings of Judaism. The Hebrew Bible, which is also referred to as the Tanakh, is the primary holy text of the Jewish faith. It includes the same books as the Old Testament of the Christian bible, though they are in a different order. The first five books of the Hebrew bible form the Torah.

The Talmud is another holy text in Judaism. It includes an extensive collection of Jewish laws and various teachings specific to the faith.

THE RELIGIOUS CURMUDGEON: (hee hee - that'll get the christians going). Robert, your turn.

ROBERT: Thanks The Religious Curmudgeon. Look - all those guys are wrong, OK? Christianity is the largest religion in the world and there is only one true god - God. The Roman Catholic Church is the only true religion within Christianity and all of the others are just as silly as these other religions. Christians believe in the Holy Trinity, represented by the divinity of the Father (God), son (Jesus) and the Holy Spirit. Christian teachings are grounded in the Old Testament and the New Testament that together form the Holy Bible. There are several editions of the Christian bible; not all denominations use the same version.

Christians believe that Jesus Christ is the son of God, sent to earth as a man and a messiah to save people from their sins. Catholics - the best and true christians believe that Jesus (GOD) is actually in the communion host that we eat at Mass. I believe this and look forward to God entering me every week. I go to Mass with my guardian angel who ascends to join the thousands of other angels watching as Jesus manifests Himself in the sacred waver (sic) and wine, which we consume, and then receive grace and unimaginable comforting. 

Guardian angels are appointed to everyone at conception. They are pure spirit and intellect. But can present themselves in bodily form if God allows.
They are there for everyone regardless of the person's knowledge of facts.

My favourite of all though is Mary - she's still a virgin even after giving birth to God who actually impregnated her not Joseph her husband who was not an old man and who had no sexual inclination toward Mary! Rather St Joseph was not that old maybe 33 and had taken a vow of celibacy. So, both Joseph and Mary were virgins........

THE RELIGIOUS CURMUDGEON:  ....... Robert. Robert. ROBERT! ...... We'll leave it there OK .... Umm ...thanks everyo .....

GENERAL MELEE: "Bullshit you sanctimonious twat you guys didn't invent the bible and" ....."Virgins? Brahman give me a break" ... "Allah is the only true God he ..." .... "We don't need gods - Buddha isn't a god he's a good man who ..." ... "Piss off Noddy, don't tell me there are no gods. There are plenty and we've got most of them I'll get Vishnu to ..." ..."Prick!"..."Bastard, take this ..." ...."Hey arsehole..."

THE RELIGIOUS CURMUDGEON: Guys. Guys. GUYS! Stop it. We'd better call it quits and the after match function is cancelled you bloody fools. Jeez! I think next time it's be safer having a forum on local gangs and their differences. Piss off now.

*****************

Forum called off early which gave Robert a chance to pray with his broken rosary beads and to take a plunge in the cold pool. We don't know what he's having for dinner.

The others (except A-Wat) sloped off to the pub seeing that someone had lifted Robert's wallet during the scuffle.