"WELL HE STARTED IT..."

 

Well, no surprises there.

Wikipedia analyses this here:

RELIGIOSITY AND INTELLIGENCE

And an internet search will uncover many considered articles about this for those interested. For the bloggers in this community though, here' s a graph. You like graphs:

Got that? Good - moving on.

 Robert the apathetic sanctimonious sinner and toilet cleaner  has again been banging on about god, creation and religious things again and he said this in a comment on my last post:

It was that comment that spurred me on to writing this post - why do I not conform?

The other blogger - the sensible one responded to Robert's challenge thus:

You'll pick up from that, that he's also the rude one but he has a point. Why should any intelligent person conform to views held by silly people?

To help in this here's that graph again.

One of the things that Robert and his like-minded Catholics say is that we are "created in god's likeness". Well, why? And, if so, why does this god look like us which quite frankly can be a bit off-putting as I discovered when looking in the mirror this morning after a restless night's sleep.

If there was a creator responsible for the universe and everything in it, why would it look like this?

It's more likely that it would look like this:

or even this:

I doubt that this has convinced anyone and, to be frank* it's not the best essay I've written but remember, this morning I woke up looking like this:

* No doubt we'll get that "and don't call me Frank" joke from Richard.

"MY GOD'S BIGGER THAN YOUR GOD"

 I'm reading a series of novels at present where the main themes are terrorism and sectarian violence.

The protagonist is Israeli so a lot of the stories deal with Jewish vs Moslem conflict, particularly in dealing with ISIS fanatics and their campaign against Israel and Western countries.  Covered also is the conflict between Israel and Palestine, Iran vs Arab nations, Sunni vs Shiite Islam and other inter-Arab wars along with, of course the Irish sectarian 'troubles'.

The writer, Daniel Silva has an in-depth understanding of these having worked for many years as a journalist in USA and the Middle East. For Robert's interest he is, or was, a Catholic. He goes into detail about the characters and the conflicts while maintaining very readable thriller plots. It's not thin sketching like Dan Brown's rubbish. There are many social, cultural and political reasons and centuries of history to explain the Irish 'troubles', the rise of the Moslem Brotherhood, al Qaeda and ISIS but I can't help feeling that if the silly religious nonsense could be removed then the social and political issues between the opposition parties could be resolved from sensible debate and negotiation. Yes, yes I know that this isn't happening in the Russia/Ukraine war but that is definitely economic based with Russia feeling the squeeze as a result of Ukraine's oil discoveries and  restriction of gas pipeline access to the West. The political, cultural and social issues are used as a smokescreen for the basic fact that Russia wants to bully and rob Ukraine.

The silliness of the religious conflicts is what I want to discuss here.There can be no resolution to the Irish situation, the Israel-Palestine conflict, Moslem extremism vs Western democracy and Christianity until fatuous religious tenets are put aside. Unfortunately these are endemic in a too great a percentage of populations and cultures and, even at the lowest level can be dangerous.

Christians, especially Catholics, bang on about loving their neighbour but are quick to denounce, and even hate people of other religions. Not satisfied with that  they even create conflicts within their Christianity religion denouncing and even hating others of different denominations. 'Our' own Catholic Robert is just as guilty of this as the rest. You've read in this and other blogs in the blogging community how Robert loves people all the time. "I love you Richard" or "I love you Peter" is a common refrain in his comments especially if he can't think of a clever riposte. OK, I'm OK with that, I mean, what's not to love? I do react to the about face that he does though when talking about non-Catholic disciplines. It's hard to find examples of this in his blog, not that they don't exist but because he regularly purges the post and occasionally the entire blog (so as to not leave a trail I guess). I did find a couple of recent things that he's written though.

******************

OK, these are quite mild but there is an undercurrent of disdain and denunciation. It's not as bad as the murderous divisions between Indian Hindus and Pakistani Moslems but still, Catholics, Anglicans, Presbyterians and the other Christian sects and denominations all hold to the same silly belief that a Christian god created and rules the world. Why can't they all just be happy in their delusion?

SISTER MARY

 Robert, while reminiscing in his latest post, misremembered that a nun who was formative in his education had the 'tile' Sister Mary. See:  MARY IS APPEARING ALL OVER THE PLACE

What little (and now big) Robert didn't and doesn't realise is that the use of 'Mary' in a nuns name is a naming custom whereby most Catholic sisters and nuns have the name “Mary” included in some form in their religious name. The 'religious' name can be anything else that they choose and, bizarrely, can be names usually associated with either gender hence we can see Sister Mary Agatha alongside Sister Mary George.  I don't think that Robert ever had a Sister Mary teach him, at least not in Primary school or in real life.

In his post Robert asserts that Mary is appearing all over the place. There isn't much in the way of fact to prove this in the post but he does mention discovering a book written by some nutter who reckons that she sees The Virgin Mary in the clouds or something which might explain the 'all over the place' reference. It's a wee bit of concern that Robert is a bit furtive in his discovery:

"Anyway, I came across (sic) Annie Kirkwood as I cleaned.
Discarding my cloth and glove I snapped a picture, aware that Kylie might walk in and find me being nonproductive, at any time,"

As follow-up I did a Google search on 'Sister Mary' to check my assumption (not that made-up story in the Catechism about Mary scooting up to heaven) and found this that will be of interest to Robert.

WHERE'S THE ARK OF THE COVENANT?

 

OK, so where is it?

It gets me that this thing that's so important has been mislaid and no-one knows where the damned thing is.

If it's a big, fancy-schmancy box made of gold and encrusted with precious jewels surely it would stand out.

I was thinking about this today when I was looking for a computer external hard drive that we own. We haven't used it for a while and it has some old photographs on it that are no longer on the (working) computers we have. I looked all over for it to no avail and suspect that it's in a nondescript box somewhere in the attic, above the wardrobe in the study, in the cupboards at the end of the house or in the shed. To find it I'll have to did through all of these.

Maybe someone, many years ago put the Ark of the Covenant in a show box and then someone else stick it in an attic. That would explain the mystery,

THE MORE OBSCURE CATHOLIC SAINTS - PART FOUR

 I was fortunate to discover this obscure saint who has some relevance to Robert the apathetic sanctimonious sinner and toilet cleaner who may well become a saint one day himself. He certainly has the title for it and will keep future Catholics amused and enthralled by his exploits for centuries. They will marvel at his perceptive observations and try to emulate his gastronomical creations. I wonder if reconstituted potatoes will exist in the future. I wonder if potatoes will exist in the future. I wonder if people will exist in the future ..... but I digress.

Saint Homobonus of Cremona ...... I didn't make this one up... honest ... see:

Saint Homobonus (I just like repeating that name- it's hilarious) is the patron saint of shopkeepers and I thought it quite appropriate to mention him because Robert looks after the church shop and needs a patron saint to help him and Richard wrote about this but was unable to discover a patron saint of shopkeeping, finding instead a dominatrix named Sister Strapper. Shelley really should check out his browser history. Robert, in his enlightened state should see this as a bonus.

"I love you Saint Homobonus"

As Wikipedia tells us Saint Homobonus (Sant 'Omobono in Italian) was canonised in 1197, the year that he died. This was the result of an urgent request by the citizens of Cremona who desperately needed a patron saint of shopkeeping since the previous one, Saint Fingusindatill was de-canonised following revelations of impropriety, fraud and embezzlement committed during her earlier earthly employment.

Omobono Tucenghi was a Cremona merchant who believed that God had allowed him to work in order that he would be able to support people living in a state of poverty. He was a bit like Geoff Bezos owner of Amazon in that regard who believes in a god-given right to employ people on minimum wage and keep them in a state of poverty thereby maintaining a constant stream of available and affordable labour. See: HERE

Homobonus (Omobono), like Robert and unlike Richard was a frequent church attendee and would partake in the Eucharist every day.  Some critics have suggested however that he was too mean to buy his own breakfast and would have the 'body and blood of Jesus' for free. It was reported that while attending mass, prostrated in the form of a cross, on November 13, 1197, Homobonus died. No-one thought to investigate the death and the bizarre way that his body was displayed (there were no Netflix crime dramas shown then) so it was considered some kind of miracle or at least it was according to the church cleaner Ima Nutta who discovered the body.

 Homobonus was soon canonised (nothing to do with falling cannons from battlements) by Pope Innocent (yeah right) III. In the bull(shit) of Homobonus's canonization Pope Innocent III called him "father of the poor", "consoler of the afflicted", "assiduous in constant prayer", "man of peace and peacemaker", "a man good in name and deed", "this saint, is still like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in our time". "contributor to my personal endowment fund", "fellow fiddler of little boys", "funniest guy at our dress-up parties", silly as a chook when pissed" and "old fancy knickers".

Homobonus's head is preserved in the side chapel in the Church of the Blasted Virgin (a typo made by the stonemason and never corrected) in Cremona. The verger of the church at the time who did the preservation fancied himself to be a bit of a wit and would say to anyone who listened "I always wanted to get ahead".

THE MORE OBSCURE CATHOLIC SAINTS - PART THREE

 Middlefart Denmark gets a lot of visitors, usually schoolboys and older men who haven't quite grown up. Their interest is scatological rather than in the town's renowned sites like Middelfart Church, dedicated to St Nicholas, which has a Late Romanesque chancel first constructed in the 14th century and a nave with aisles from the late 15th century. or the Henner Friiser Hus, a half-timbered house dating from around 1575.

 

Our interest today in Middlefart  is neither in history nor toilet humour as The Curmudgeons Inc.ⓒ prides itself on maturity and sophistication. No, in the third of the series THE MORE OBSCURE CATHOLIC SAINTS our interest is in Padre Pardonme of Middlefart the patron saint of flatulance.

Born in 1456 Padre Pardonme, or Pooh as he was known to his friends and family was brought up comfortably in a middle class or bourgeoise environment. His father was a burgher who had made his fortune initially as a butcher and then as controller of the town's bakeries, charcuteries and other food suppliers. Pooh was a chubby child by nature with a voracious appetite and the access to rich foods, particularly processed meat products soon added to his girth so that by the time he was about to leave school at the age of fourteen, Pooh was grossly overweight.

While being overweight in Renaissance times was seen to be a position of fortune and worthiness  rather than anything to be ashamed of, Pooh was nevertheless the butt of jokes from his peers who called him Porky Pooh or 'Squeeze me' which, in local dialect was a kind of pun on his given name Pardonme. Pooh though, had a good sense of humour not unknown in people of his endomorphic propensity. With his voluminous gastric cavities aided by significant amounts of processed pork product, Pooh naturally expelled more intestinal gas than normal, a fact well known to him and anyone who was close by. Pooh then, through the frequency of his flatus and his sense of humour managed, by dedicated practice, to control the pitch, tone and duration of them not unlike how musicians do with their musical instruments particular the A-toned ones. In time he was able to perform little tunes to entertain his friends and to hopefully diminish their mean jokes.

In the time of the Renaissance, music was primarily religious and was used to carry the words of prayers. Pooh's source material was limited and the 'tunes' short which was probably just as well for his friends who huddled in close to listen to Pooh's renditions. Some of Pooh's best interpretations were:

Good Food Prayer

Good food, good meat, good God, let's eat!

 

Secret Kitchen Dinner Prayer

Dear Lord, 
as you know, we asked those who we knew could make a meat dish sublime, and those who we knew 
prepare questionable meals all the time, each to do their part, so none would feel left out, the real cookers, will bring the meat dishes, excuse us Lord, the others will wash them out.
We thank you God for this meal. Bless our thoughts to be truthful and our words to not be mean, we just want this dinner to be one of the best we've seen. Amen.

The boys and girls huddling together caught the attention of the priest Father Inthebetta, a Jesuit on secondment from Rome who was charged with increasing the numbers at Mass (and getting the offertory takings up). Father Inthebetta listened to the 'tunes' and, as the church organ fund was sorely lacking, saw Pooh's renditions as a great drawcard for the congregation who hadn't yet discovered 'NOT' jokes and could do with a bit of a laugh.

Pooh was indoctrinated into the mysticisms of the clergy and taught the miracles of transubstantiation, confirmation, confession and a lot of other made up things. Father Inthebetta also taught Pooh about pyramid schemes, diamond necklace hoaxes, selling of indulgences, instant finace and how to promise to withdraw before .... well, you know. Pooh was a quick learner and, under Father Inthebetta's tuition and mentorship rose quickly  in the church's ranks and the esteem of Rome as takings, both legitimate from the Sunday collection and tithing and illegitimate from the on-the-side selling grew the Church's coffers.

Pooh or, Padre Pardonme of Middlefart died early due to health issues that were not properly understood at the time. His legacy, along with his corpse was enormous however and the reigning pope Pope Addom of Vijayanagara was easily persuaded to canonise Pardonme who is now the official patron saint of flatulence and, in honour of his father, hamburgers.

THE MORE OBSCURE CATHOLIC SAINTS - PART TWO

This new Saints series has taken off well. Robert is learning new things about his favourite saints and has been inspired to run his own series titled 'Sinners'. See: HERE


Here's number two in the series - Saint Elizabeth of Palo Alto.

Saint Elizabeth of Palo Alto

1956 – 2016.

A trust fund kid embraces Sister Poverty


Today’s saint was also known as Lizzie Child of the Clouds Harmony when a teenager and through to her mid 20s. She was born into wealth with her parents owning a well known plasticware business in Los Angeles. Being a Catholic family there were a couple of saints in its bloodline - Saint Elizabeth of Hungary and Saint Elizabeth of Poland who were her namesakes.
In the 1960s Elizabeth spent a rebellious time indulging in alcohol, drugs and embracing the Hippie 'flower power' culture that prevailed and took on her 'Lizzie Child of the Clouds Harmony' name to replace her family name of von Thuringen. It is said that this lifestyle and her ingestion of powerful hallucinogenic drugs at Woodstock and other festivals enabled her to see The Blessed Virgin Mary and Jesus in visions. This was verified by her friend at the time Father Awaythebetter who played double bass for a West Coast 'Acid' rock band. Father Awaythebetter was a virgin, a state that was perpetualised by his choice of musical instrument and he too, after ingesting the same drugs saw The Blessed Virgin Mary, Jesus and The Holy Ghost. "Cool man" he recorded afterwards "That Holy Ghost Dude was awesome." It was Father Awaythebetter who convinced the Californian Catholic Diocese to promote Elizabeth of Palo Alto's canonisation which happened after her death in 2016.
Elizabeth had the luxury of leisure due to her wealth and status. She was able to freely move around embracing the freedom of communes without actually having to slum it as she went home to her parents Bel Air mansion during the week to 'recharge her batteries'. This freedom and rootlessness took on greater significance after her miraculous visions of The Virgin Mary and Jesus as she could dedicate time to Mass, to prayer, and to her spiritual exercises. Her resources of time and money also allowed her to assist the poor, which she did generously, even to the annoyance of her parents who soon tired of having hippie VW Combi vans parked on their lawns and bought her a series of 3 story condominiums in Palo Alto which she named 'Harmony in the Clouds'. It is easy to say that money doesn’t matter when you have money. Only people with money, in fact, say that money is not the only thing. Money did not matter to Elizabeth, precisely because she did not lack it. She simply gave it away. And she fortified her financial generosity with her personal example of prayer, fasting, poverty, and holiness, edifying her people.

After her parents died, Elizabeth, now in her 40s and with no income, entered the convent of the Poor Lizzies which she herself had founded in the 70s which was dubbed then 'The Dizzy Lizzies'. She took vows as a Mail Order Franciscan and lived in relative obscurity with the other sisters. The convent derived it's income, after Elizabeth's funding ran out, by making and selling, initially by mail order and then via the internet, little plastic and wood statues of Jesus on a cross. These were colloquially known as 'kebabs'.
After Elizabeth had given away all that she had, she gave away herself, and then there was nothing left to give. She was a model Catholic Saint and is the patron saint of clouds, harmony and. of course kebabs. Saint Elizabeth of Palo Alto, help us to see all wealth, of time or money, as a gift and an opportunity to serve the Lord and our fellow man. You promoted peace in your mind and in your communes. Help us to do the same.